Today hasn't been the best day. I dropped my enormous cup of SportTea before even making it to my car, and I have a hard time drinking plain water or even Crystal Light sometimes. I didn't get in all my protein today, and I went out with a friend and ate queso--that was my dinner. Not the best choice. I'm sure I'll pay for it sometime around 3am.
My fear when I have a day like this is that I'll stop doing all the stuff that keeps me healthy and dropping weight, and then I'll gain it all back and/or get really sick. So days like this mess with my mind as much as they do my body. Tomorrow is a new day. I'll pre-pack a great bunch of protein and try to eat more regularly and drink as much as possible.
These fears are not new to me. I've worried about weight gain since before I even had the surgery. I did the math and figured if I could lose 70% of my excess weight and then gain back a mere 10% (which I'm told is nearly inevitable, I'm still over 100lbs lighter that I was when I started. But like any right-brained person, I can see the math, and know it adds up, and yet still not FEEL like it's true.
These thoughts really came to a head when I checked out my blog roll. You must go read Melting Mama, who I admire the heck out of. She just had the Facebook version of being a drive-by victim (with words instead of bullets--just as powerful, but less likely to show on an airport x-ray). People accusing her of not "doing it right" because she has gained some of her weight back. (By the way, she is still down a LOT of weight, and she has new medical issues that make things much harder, and she is honest about how weight loss surgery has both benefitted and detracted from her life. I see her as a success story--a success at life, which is much more than getting to and staying a size 6). Seeing someone as funny and brave and wonderful get brow-beaten by people who are still judging others by size and not by life experience made me really mad. And then sad. And then mad again.
So rather than rehash the whole thing and let more negativity out into the world, I'd just like to say to my sister, Melting Mama, that the Babe has your back.
Peace and love, my sister.