Top 10 Reasons to believe I'm falling into Spinsterhood:
10. I only own sensible shoes. Yup, not a heel in sight.
9. I caught myself telling a funny story about the cat the other day and ending it with the phrase, "She thinks she's people."
8. I have food wrappers on my bedside table. Granted, they are from sugar-free Popsicles...holy crap, I just realized it's WAY weirder to eat Popsicles in bed than junk food.
7. I have a designated friend (shout out to D. Willy) who, in case of my untimely death, is in charge of going over to my house and tidying, i.e. removing any parental-inappropriate items. If you are confused by what that might be, then you are probably my mother and should not concern your cute little mom-head about it. Seriously, Alma. Quit reading. Now. You may resume reading at #4.
6. I do not have a single pair of adorable or sexy undies. Granted, I did have them, but they got to be too big. Nothing worse than a pair of lacy black undies working it's way towards your knees. Except maybe a pair of granny undies in unappealing tan with a bit of elastic hanging off the top working down to your knees. While wearing a skirt.
5. While I'm on the underwear theme, I just bought a new bra. It is a workout bra, and it is battleship grey. 'Nuff said.
4. The only items in my shopping cart are 3 bags of Soy Chips and a jar of peanut butter.
3. I can count on one hand the number of men I have had a non-work-related conversation with in the last week
2. I find myself eyeing babies with the intensity that only a single, childless woman has.
And the number one reason I know I'm sliding into Spinsterhood?
1. The overwhelming desire to shake my fist and yell, "you darn kids!"
I actually am somewhat OK with this. It's not completely glum--I can watch whatever I want on TV, I can eat peanut butter on a spoon as my dinner, I get the whole bed to myself, and I can set the thermostat to whatever is comfortable for me. So while some days I feel like I am the saddest, lonliest woman on the planet, on other days I feel like I own the world.
But please, if I EVER wear a fanny pack, it's time for an intervention.