Thursday, January 26, 2012

Gastric bypass dating

So, here's something that I simply am not creative enough to make up.

I joined eHarmony.  I know.  But I need to find a way to get out and meet people, and I just don't get to meet men as an HR professional in a female-dominated industry.  I mean, who wants to date the person that may have to lay you off (and not in the way you are thinking, dirty-bird!).  I actually had a co-worker who had to lay off her boyfriend.  It just doesn't inspire romance to explain someone's severance package with the one you love.

Anyhoo, I met this one guy and we decided to meet in person at Starbucks.  He was nice, and we were telling each other our stories.  His was about his ex-wife of 6 months (separated for 2 years), and why she was crazy.  He said they had gotten distant, and she told him she had been abused and couldn't stand to be touched by men anymore (do you see the train coming?), then she was sleeping on the couch, and (here's the whistle blowing) she finally moved out and became a lesbian.

"You know what I think happened, though?" he asked me (now the light on the train is practically blinding you).  

"No, what?" I stupidly replied.

(And here's the Amtrak express, knocking you into kingdom come)

"She had one of those gastric bypass thingies--I don't know if you know anything about them--and I think it made her go crazy and turn into a lesbian."

Long pause.  Throat clearing.

"Uh, actually, I do know a lot about gastric bypasses.  I had one myself almost 2 years ago.  I haven't become a lesbian, though."  (luckily I stopped myself before I added the qualifier "yet" to that sentence--times like this, my sense of humor is not always a good thing)

I wonder why I haven't heard back from him?  Hmmm...

I actually laughed the entire way home.  The first date, out of the gate, post surgery, and my date has a post-surgical lesbian ex-wife.

Like I said, I wish I could make this stuff up...


  1. Wow! Obviously that guy has to get in touch with your surgeon right away, so your surgeon can add that to the list of possible side effects. Bwahaha!

  2. OMG that is a hoot!!!

    I thought you were going to say eHarmony had a subset of gastric bypass people wanting to hook up with each other. Now THERE is an idea for you!

  3. Linda--I didn't even think about that. But I wonder if lesbians who have the surgery turn straight? I think this may need more research before I get everyone mad at me for accidentally switching teams.

    Sheila--that actually is a great idea! I struggled with the "when do I tell someone I'm seeing that I'm 'altered'" (it isn't really first date material, except in this particular case). Meeting up with other surgicals would eliminate that worry! We should tell Snyder that he's missing out on a whole new venture!

  4. Love this post! I'm dating after WLS too - it is interesting, to say the least. :) Dating after a long marriage is a journey in itself! Keep us posted on future (hopefully better!) dates!