Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Pizza, my nemesis

The last meal I ate before prepping for weight loss surgery was pizza--about half a pie.  At my heaviest and most depressed I had pizza ordered in at least once and sometimes 3 times a week.  Even before I gained 200 lbs, my "sweet sixteen" party consisted of pizza, and a cake that looked just like--you guessed it--pizza.  So yeah, you can say I have a problem with it.  And I just learned that my old nemesis is rearing it's ugly, cheese-covered head.

Here's what's going down.  Tomorrow I am going to a "lunch-and-learn" seminar on asphalt (this is NOT the exciting part).  I should explain.  Somehow I became our company's "Facilities Manager" in addition to "HR Guru of General HR Stuff"  (known in other circle as an HR Generalist).  I also have discovered that I am our "Safety Manager" (little did they know I'm the clutziest one out there), "Event Planner", "Front Reception Manager", "Chair Wrangler", and probably a million other things I don't even know I'm supposed to be doing.  That's how non-profits work.  Anyhoo, as the "Facilities Manager" I have to find a solution to our parking lot potholes, which may or may not house the body of Jimmy Hoffa at the bottom--they are so deep I can only speculate.  My point is that I'm going to this silly thing against my will, and I'm going to have to have a coffee enema to stay awake during the "learn" portion.

So, back to the "lunch" portion of the day.  Knowing that I have some peculiarities as far as food goes right now, I called them to get details on the lunch to see if I should just bring my own.  That's right--I'm stylin', I'm proactive, I'm losing weight and feelin' good, and I'm taking care of business.  Her response to me?  "I think we'll probably just order pizza."  (insert record scratch noise, followed by crickets). 

Now I know that I could probably eat 1/2 a piece, or even just the sauce, cheese, and toppings off a whole piece.  But I don't think I'm ready to open that door.  Hell, even just typing "sauce" "cheese" and "toppings" in the same sentence has me foaming at the mouth.  I know that there is going to be a whole lot more time where I will have to fight the food from hell, and maybe I should wait as long as possible before getting into the ring with it.  This is the sensible thing to do, right?

Folks, I am scared of this food.  I am scared silly.  What if the smell is too tempting?  What if I eat it and get sick?  Or worse, what if I eat it and I don't get sick?  People with normal relationships to food probably don't even know what I'm talking about.  The rest of you are probably shuddering with your own food fear issues.

So tell me, what do you worry about?  What makes you lose control?  I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

I'll update you tomorrow on how it goes.  Unless the beast gets the best of me.  Wish me luck...


  1. Ugh, I feel for you girl.
    Pizza is also my downfall, and it still usually wins. I don't even know what to tell you... the temptation will be HORRIBLE, and it WILL smell good... If you don't feel your up to it, try not to eat it...
    If you do think you can just have a little, maybe eat it with a fork and knife??? I don't know where I heard this tip, but it is supposed to make you eat less. It makes sense, but I have to admit I have never done it... maybe I will next time...

    Besides pizza, cheddar flavored chex mix. If I get it, I eat the WHOLE bag. While I still eat pizza, I have not bought a bag of chex mix since before 1/1/10. I just don't think I could handle it.

    Well- Good Luck!!!!!!!
    I'll be thinking about you and your battle with the beast! Kick it's ass!

  2. How do you know you'll really want to eat any? My sister says it's not something she'd eat.
    Or could eat. That sort of doughy/cheesy thing is not an option for her. I think her stomach would refuse it along with her mind.

  3. Wow. I have *a lot* of things that I've lost control with over the years. But the weird thing is I think I've finally gotten to a place where I don't worry about food anymore. I would be so nervous if I had a poochie that would reject food - because then it would mean that I *couldn't* have it . And I don't do well with things that I CAN'T have...control issues much?

  4. I don't like to have crackers in the house. Any kind of crackers make me lose my mind and at some point, I will start eating them. Even icky ones like Cheez Its. People at work love those dang things so they're everywhere and I can resist them there. But not at home. I'd like to think that at some point, I will be able to look at a box of crackers without salivating.