Yup. This Friday will be one year since I had the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass at Rose Medical Center with Dr. Michael Snyder.
It's an exciting date, but one filled with mixed emotions. Excitement, anxiety, happiness, sadness--you name it, I've got it.
My goal was to reach the 100's mark (known in the bariatric community as "one-derland") by the one-year mark. According to my Wii Fit scale, I'm in the right area, fluctuating between 198 and 202. According to my other scale I haven't, saying I'm fluctuating between 202 and 206. My other scale can suck my big toe. Either way, I think I'm in the right place, even if it's not quite exact.
The hitch in my giddyup to congratulate myself, however, is all because I made the mistake of reading an article that stated bariatric patients will have lost 80% of their excess weight within the first year. According to my doctor, I was about 200 lbs in excess of my ideal weight. 80% of that (hey, math!) is 160 lbs. 160. Not the 150-and-change that I've lost. It shouldn't be such a big deal right? I'm close, right?
Here's the thing. I started out as a rock-star, losing almost 100 pounds in the first 4-5 months after surgery. I was a weight-losing wunderkind. Then things started to slow down, considerably. It's taken me 7-8 months to lose the next 50 pounds, so I'm no longer at rock-star status. To go from rock-star to not-even-quite average is hitting me hard.
I guess the light at the end of the obsession tunnel is that it is a good reality check for me. I've started to recognize that I've let myself wander off the path of what I'm supposed to be doing far too often. I eat sugar occasionally. I let myself have carbs. I choose the protein bar that tastes better (which for protein bars meas that they taste less ass-like) instead of the protein bar with the least carbs/sugar and highest protein. I often justify it with "I want to have a life and not let the weight loss prevent me from having things I love." Which is good when it's once a week because it keeps me balanced and lets me enjoy life. More than once a week, though, and it truly is the old fat me just trying to justify having whatever I want, whenever I want it. The fact that I'm not losing at a decent pace is a sign that I'm living in "Babe-land" instead of reality again.
So here's the thing. I have to remind myself that I have limitations--ones I chose to put upon myself so I can lose weight and live a real life. I have to remind myself that the old food-addict is still there, ready to come out, and that I'm not done with making changes to my brain. That the next year is going to be harder, but that this past year has helped me train for the struggles ahead.
In thinking all of this through today, it made me realize that I need to mark this occasion with a congratulations for what I HAVE acheived (even if it's not perfect). I particularly want to make it a day of gratitude for what I have, that I was given the chance to make these changes, and for the people in my life who have been so supportive (and who I will probably need over the next year to continue to support me). So decided to have a little party in my own honor--nothing big except a dinner out (to somewhere with a delicious buffalo-style grilled chicken breast that I've been obsessed with lately), a sugar-free dessert (that I'm making), and some fun activities (bowling, karaoke, or Wii Dance Party--the decision is still up in the air).
Of course there are lots of people long-distance I would love to include--all my readers here included--but instead I will just send and post pictures here. Consider yourselves on the inside, because just having regular followers and reading your comments has been a major source of support for me. Thank you all!