Sunday, November 14, 2010

Thanksgiving possibilities...

Thanks to those of you that responded with ideas for Thanksgiving.  Here is a tentative plan, glooped together from lots of different stuff people said:

1.  We are going to cook, mostly because then we know what's going into everything, and we can make stuff with reduced fat, sugar and carbs.  But...
2.  We are going to Goldilocks' house to have "the meal" so that anything except meat can be left with her.  I won't have bushels of stuffing hanging out at the house tempting me, but I'll be able to sample something if I really want it.
3.  We decided we want to watch the parade in the morning instead of going "Turkey trotting," but since Goldilocks lives right by the best gym on the planet, there will probably be a stop-over involved.  I'm telling my parents to bring their bathing suits--if nothing else they can sit in the hot tub.
4.  We decided to get a "mini-ham" from the Honeybaked Ham store, which is close-by (scroll to the bottom to see my EXCELLENT story about the local HH, which is totally off-topic and slightly inappropriate, hence it's relegation to the bottom of the page).  This gives a delicious protein option that does not make me think, "Where the h*ll is the d*mn stuffing?"
5.  We also decided for the Turkey Fiends that we would get a turkey breast.  I was gonna get it pre-cooked from Whole Paycheck Foods, but just found an excellent recipe for preparing it in the crock pot, which looks just as easy.
6.  We are going to spring for some new board games to play, which will be fun, interactive, and less food-centered than watching a movie (which often requires munchies).
7.  I even thought about trying to make quinoa "stuffing" which would give me the flavors of my favorite food at Thanksgivings, but with a protein boost and fewer carbs.  We'll see how crazy I get.

So there will be a lot less emphasis on food, although still enough that it will feel like Thanksgiving.  A good compromise, I think.  Now the challenge will be the rest of the parental visit (since I tend to do nothing but eat when they are around).  Send me any thoughtful strategies you've developed.  So far, I think just keeping them busy and out of the house will help...

Now, for the HoneyBaked Ham story.  A couple of years ago, an adult "bookstore" (why do they call it that when there are no books there?) opened up in my area of town.  I found out about it because I got a marketing post card from them WITH MY REAL NAME ON IT!  So here are the odd things about that (and it really does tie into the ham, if you wait for it):
1.  How the h*ll did they get my first and last name?  That type of mail always is addressed to "Occupant," and does not usually get personalized with my full name.  But no!  It wasn't it addressed to "Sex-Crazed Occupant," but directly to ME!
2.  What mailing list am I on, and how did I get on it?  The raciest thing I get in the mail is my Allure beauty magazine and Entertainment Weekly.
3.  Those in the  Sex Trade apparently had not only my full name, but they knew where I lived.  (I considered actually moving at this point).
4.  I actually got TWO postcards from them.  The second one was also addressed directly to me, although at least they had the courtesy to spell my name wrong the second time.  Perhaps the thought, "Maybe she didn't get the message from the first one and we should send her another, just in case."
5.  The postcard itself not only advertised the name of the store, and the types of items they sell, but it gave a tiny map on how to get there with directions spelled out underneath it.  Just in case I was thinking, "Hey, I need to get me some penis-shaped pasta ASAP!  But however will I get there?"  Then I could whip out the marketing card and read the map.
6.  And the best part was the directions themselves.  What did the directions say?  (wait for it)
RIGHT BEHIND THE HONEYBAKED HAM STORE!  That's right.  They used the HoneyBaked Ham store as a touchpoint for directions to the porn shop.  These are not normally things that go together, as in, "Hey...while we're out getting the holiday ham, we can swing by and pick up some crotchless panties.  Two birds, one stone!" In fact, I think the last thing I would be considering when getting Easter Dinner would be stopping for an item to get my freak on after the relatives leave.

All in all, a very disturbing trip to the mailbox with lots of unanswered questions.  Except for one...I did find out how they got my name for the mailing list when my voter registration cards arrived in the mail--one with my correct name and one with the same incorrect spelling as the porn store.  Apparently they could only send to individuals above age 18, and the way they screened it was by using voter registrations.  So that was a relief.  But I still can't wrap my mind around the link between porn and HoneyBaked Ham.


  1. I love the Honeybaked Ham story! As for board games, I recommend seeking out Facts in Five. I love this game so much I would play it daily, if anyone in my family could stand to humor me so. It's a bit hard to find (I got my from Encyclopedia Britannica online), but worth the effort.

  2. i see nothing wrong with crotchless panties on thanksgiving! now that's a party!

  3. I'd agree with foodmasochist... Maybe if the crotchless panties are edible... and taste like stuffing! Haha!
    Who knew voting would get you into this type of thing...

    I think you have a GREAT plan for thanksgiving Babe! It sounds like it's going to be lots of fun, healthy AND no good family time missed at all! Good job.

  4. Nanci: I'm going to check that out...I needed a good game rec.
    FoodMasochist: Disturbing...Dinner with the parents with breezy-access nether-regions is a very upsetting idea. If only my imaginary boyfriend would come to dinner...
    TinaM: There are so many dirty jokes from your post that my head is smoking thinking of them. :-)