This morning, I had my last pre-paid Pilates class, and I really do like it. I'm trying to figure out a way to pay for more sessions, as I think it really helps get me in touch with my body as it's changing post-bariatric surgery.
On the way home, I was overwhelmed by a sense of how grateful I am for so much in my life. It's easy to get caught up in the number on the scale (which hasn't changed more than a pound or two in the last month and a half!), or a still-bulging belly, or how hard it is to eat differently. I feel compelled to wear my "before" picture on my shirt so that people can see, saying, "Yeah, I'm still fat, but look how far I've come!" I even find myself comparing how much I've lost to other people who have gone through gastric bypass--have I lost more than them, or more quickly, or am I on track? I wonder if I could have started exercising earlier how much more I would have lost by now. I worry that because I ate some croutons yesterday that I'm blowing my chance to lose more weight and get to my goal.
I've been doing a lot of beating myself up lately for all of this, and this morning I just took a breath and realized I need to concentrate more on the positives (I think the Pilates reminded me of this). For me that starts with being grateful. So it was time to check in with my center of gratitude and fill it up.
I am so grateful:
*That my parents support me, both in paying for the surgery and for the moral and physical support following it. Yeah for Mom and Dad! You guys rock!
*For my job. I have wonderful people I work with, and they are very understanding. How many bosses have you had that tell you to take time off? And I also know that with this economy, I'm lucky to be employed.
*For Sophie the cat, aka. The Beast. She keeps me company and reminds me to be less self-centered.
*For my friend Goldilocks, who reminds me to go to the gym, who keeps me company there, and who even slows herself to be patient with me and my physical limitations.
*For my body. As much as I resent it, and tell it how ugly it is, it still gets me around. It's easy to forget how wonderful your body is when you focus on how it looks and not how it feels. And I need to continually remind myself how I couldn't walk without pain, or go to restaurants with booths, or go swimming.
I'm sure there's more, but I'm meeting with a friend to eat some low-cal Japanese food for lunch and then walk the mall, so I gots to go.
What are you grateful for?