In the deep snow of Colorado, no one can hear you eat...or give away schwag

Winter has returned here, with a bit of a vengence.  Here's the dirty little secret...Denver does not usually get the kind of snow you think it does.  Our usual pattern is a couple of inches overnight to make you morning commute a horror, but then because we get so much sun and because the air is so dry--high desert you know, usually the snow melts and evaporates off the street in time for the afternoon commute.  All of the fun benefits of snow with only a small proportion of the inconvenience.

This freaking arctic air has given us a taste of the Midwest and East Coast type of snow.  Once it snows, it stays.  And stays.  And stays.

And I had forgotten how difficult it is to make good choices when I am stuck in my house for too long.  Heck, I have problems making good choices when I'm just in my house for an entire evening, let alone two and a half days.  So weekends are always difficult for me. I've learned to do stuff, get out, and distract myself from just sitting all day and polishing off any carb in my house (if I had the stupidity to allow it through the door in the first place).

Don't get me wrong.  I could clean my house and make it presentable.  I could do my taxes.  I could go through my closet and pull things out that are too big and prepare them for the Goodwill.  But all of that seems like work when I could just snuggle into the couch, pull up my sadly neglected DVR, pet The Beast (i.e. my 7.5 pound kitty), and watch TV all day.  But, more than likely, that leads to constant snacking, the one easy way to defeat the purpose of weight loss surgery.

You see, you can trick your pouch.  If you just slowly snack all day, you can pack in a whole lot of calories without even realizing.  If you snack on soft or airy things like carbs, they will squish through your pouch quickly enough so you have room for more, more, more.

I have done this a few times.  I'm not perfect, despite all the rumors to the contrary.  I did have a weekend where I gave in to the darkness and ate nothing but bread all weekend long.  Seriously, the Babe ate an entire loaf of bread.  It took all weekend to do it, but do it I did.  (This is why yummy artisan bread has to stay at the store or the restaurant and can never come home with me).  What can I say, I'm one of those types that always has to test the boundaries.

But here's what I learned:  I may not get "sick" in the traditional sense (i.e. throwing up), but by Monday I felt like crap.  I had no energy.  I felt bloated and icky.  And all my old cravings that hadn't bothered me too much came back with a vengence and I had to keep talking myself down off the "nothing but carb" ledge for about a week until I was able to purge that out of my system (physical and mental).  And that was HARD.  I had forgotten how strong those cravings can be, and how powerless they can make me feel.  And I had a whole week to be reminded of it.  So yeah, the temporary enjoyment, the freedom of eating whatever I wanted, the comfort of a familiar and beloved food ended up not being worth it.

I'm reminded of all of this because when I'm stuck in my house for any length of time it all comes roaring back.  And I know that I have to make a pre-emptive strike against boredom, old habits, the need for comforting, and lack of structure.

I found a great post by the post-op ladies of Pouch Party, on Top 5 Ways to stay occupied when snowed in (check out the link).  And I decided to create my own:

1. Try a new Protein-Packed recipe.  Today I'm going to make quinoa porridge, which I've heard lots of post-ops rave about, so I have it for breakfast this week.  I'm also making Buffalo-style chicken in my crock-pot (chicken + Frank's Red Hot sauce + butter = delicious).  This way I'll have good food to eat all week.
2. Do a workout on the Wii, or using a DVD, or one of the On-Demand workouts.  Smartly, I bought Zumba for the Wii yesterday before the snow started to fly, and I'm ready to try out a full workout on it.
3. Comb the internet for healthy ideas.  Check on the other blogs I subscribe to, post-surgical chat sites, look for a new workout music mix on iTunes, etc.
4. Have a game plan (so appropriate for Super Bowl Sunday).  I've planned out my day's eating, and so far so good.  
5. Mix it up.  I have HD-ADD, which means that I'm easily distracted but when I do manage to concentrate, I REALLY concentrate).  So that means, start cooking, then workout, then watch a 30 minute show on the DVR, then empty the diswasher, then organize my tax receipts, then repeat the whole thing.  It's like circuit training, but for my body and mind.

I've learned that planning is really the secret to being successful for me.  And since it is not in my nature to be a planner, I really have to force myself into it.

What strategies do you all use to avoid falling back into bad habits?  I really need to hear your ideas, so I can add them to my book of tricks.

To encourage you, I am doing my first bloggy give-away!  How about a sampler-pack of some of my favorite healthy treats--from protein bars and powders, to my favorite guilty pleasures (like the soy crisps I always rave about).    I'll throw in some other gifties too--I have a bunch of stuff in mind and will post a photo of the "gift basket" this week (when I organize it and make it pretty).  Don't worry, it'll be good stuff for anyone--not just post-ops.

I'll give you one week to respond, and draw for the winner on Sunday, Feb. 13--just in time for Valentine's day!  Here's how to win:

• Get an entry for posting your favorite strategies in the comment section (please remember to leave me an e-mail address so I can contact the winner). 
• Get a bonus entry for each suggested strategy (up to 5 bonus entries, although you can always leave more suggestions).
• Get another entry for announcing this giveaway on your own blog, and get a bonus entry if you include a link to this post.  Be sure to tell me about it in the comment section so you get your bonus entries (and so I can check out your blog).
• Get a final bonus entry if you spread it to a social-networking site like Facebook, Twitter, or post it on a message board (one bonus entry for each one, and be sure to tell me about it in the comments to get credit).

Let the games begin!

So far, so good (or...Hey, I made it a whole day!)

I'm getting back on track.  I've found my mojo.  The force is with me.  I've got air in my tires and wind at my back.  However you want to put the cliche, I'm feeling much more motivated now to do what I need to in order to break through my weight loss stall.

My biggest hurdles are always planning and being accountable.  So this morning I woke up and started my day out right with some Eggface-approved chocolate mini-muffins (YUM!).  If you haven't visited her blog, do yourself a favor and click on the button in the right margin of my blog.  She has great tips and recipes for those of us needing the help (ie.  everyone I've ever met who's had weight loss surgery).  She's even doing a vitamin giveaway on her site right now (although I shouldn't tell you so that I have better odds of winning).  By the way, with a little adaptation, her recipes even work at high altitude!  I made her chocolate mini muffins 3-ways:  a dot of creamy peanut butter in the middle for some, a sprinkling of Black Onyx cocoa powder (the kind that makes Oreos so darkly delicious) and instant coffee crystals for others, and a CocoaRoast almond for the last set.  I think the peanut butter and mocha ones were the best.

Then I made a BBQ chicken "pizza" for lunch, which consisted of a low-carb tortilla (I use the Fat Flush Plan tortillas, despite the appalling name) topped with a little mix of pizza sauce and BBQ sauce, pieces of roasted chicken, and a sprinkle of pizza cheese.  YUM! 

For dinner, I made chili.  Taking inspiration from Eggface, I just made it up as I went.  I put a pot roast in the crockpot with some blended-up salsa, chicken broth, and a bunch of chili spices I bought at a fair.  I added a can of black beans about halfway through, shredded the meat and added it back in, sprinkles in a teaspoon of coffee crystals, and let it stay on warm until I was ready to eat.  Yes, that sound you hear is me patting myself on the back for being so clever.

I still have 1-2 meals left for the day...I average about 5 meals per day, but sometimes on the weekend time gets away from me and I don't get them all in.  But the chili was so good that I may have some more of that.

Basically the quality of what I'm eating is much better, but that is just half the battle.  What I'm really worried about is the quantity of food.  I've never been great about measuring and it appears to be catching up to me.  I could have eaten 1/2 cup of chili, but forced myself to stop at 1/3 cup.  I know that if you haven't had surgery that sounds ridiculously small, but from someone who was only able to eat 1 tablespoon at a time only 10 short months ago, it's a lot.  And at the point I am, I should still only be able to eat 1/4 cup to 1/3 cup.  I'm hoping that with a week or two of restricting myself to 1/4 cup that my stomach may re-shrink.  Or I'll get so hungry that I gnaw off someone's arm during a budget meeting.  One or the other, really. 

Now that my cold seems to be on the downhill side, it means getting back to the gym tomorrow night.  I'm dreading the inevitable "January Crowd" of people who start out the year working out and drop out by March.  To make it even worse, the 24 Hour Fitness that is on my way home is closed for renovations, so all the other centers are that much more crowded.  It'll be like shopping at Loeman's the day after Christmas.  Or Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving.  I'm anticipating shoving, pushing, and a small amount of bloodshed.  That way anything that actually does happen is a bit of a denoument.

I hope your year is starting out well too.  Here's to staying on track...

Thanksgiving possibilities...

Thanks to those of you that responded with ideas for Thanksgiving.  Here is a tentative plan, glooped together from lots of different stuff people said:

1.  We are going to cook, mostly because then we know what's going into everything, and we can make stuff with reduced fat, sugar and carbs.  But...
2.  We are going to Goldilocks' house to have "the meal" so that anything except meat can be left with her.  I won't have bushels of stuffing hanging out at the house tempting me, but I'll be able to sample something if I really want it.
3.  We decided we want to watch the parade in the morning instead of going "Turkey trotting," but since Goldilocks lives right by the best gym on the planet, there will probably be a stop-over involved.  I'm telling my parents to bring their bathing suits--if nothing else they can sit in the hot tub.
4.  We decided to get a "mini-ham" from the Honeybaked Ham store, which is close-by (scroll to the bottom to see my EXCELLENT story about the local HH, which is totally off-topic and slightly inappropriate, hence it's relegation to the bottom of the page).  This gives a delicious protein option that does not make me think, "Where the h*ll is the d*mn stuffing?"
5.  We also decided for the Turkey Fiends that we would get a turkey breast.  I was gonna get it pre-cooked from Whole Paycheck Foods, but just found an excellent recipe for preparing it in the crock pot, which looks just as easy.
6.  We are going to spring for some new board games to play, which will be fun, interactive, and less food-centered than watching a movie (which often requires munchies).
7.  I even thought about trying to make quinoa "stuffing" which would give me the flavors of my favorite food at Thanksgivings, but with a protein boost and fewer carbs.  We'll see how crazy I get.

So there will be a lot less emphasis on food, although still enough that it will feel like Thanksgiving.  A good compromise, I think.  Now the challenge will be the rest of the parental visit (since I tend to do nothing but eat when they are around).  Send me any thoughtful strategies you've developed.  So far, I think just keeping them busy and out of the house will help...

Now, for the HoneyBaked Ham story.  A couple of years ago, an adult "bookstore" (why do they call it that when there are no books there?) opened up in my area of town.  I found out about it because I got a marketing post card from them WITH MY REAL NAME ON IT!  So here are the odd things about that (and it really does tie into the ham, if you wait for it):
1.  How the h*ll did they get my first and last name?  That type of mail always is addressed to "Occupant," and does not usually get personalized with my full name.  But no!  It wasn't it addressed to "Sex-Crazed Occupant," but directly to ME!
2.  What mailing list am I on, and how did I get on it?  The raciest thing I get in the mail is my Allure beauty magazine and Entertainment Weekly.
3.  Those in the  Sex Trade apparently had not only my full name, but they knew where I lived.  (I considered actually moving at this point).
4.  I actually got TWO postcards from them.  The second one was also addressed directly to me, although at least they had the courtesy to spell my name wrong the second time.  Perhaps the thought, "Maybe she didn't get the message from the first one and we should send her another, just in case."
5.  The postcard itself not only advertised the name of the store, and the types of items they sell, but it gave a tiny map on how to get there with directions spelled out underneath it.  Just in case I was thinking, "Hey, I need to get me some penis-shaped pasta ASAP!  But however will I get there?"  Then I could whip out the marketing card and read the map.
6.  And the best part was the directions themselves.  What did the directions say?  (wait for it)
RIGHT BEHIND THE HONEYBAKED HAM STORE!  That's right.  They used the HoneyBaked Ham store as a touchpoint for directions to the porn shop.  These are not normally things that go together, as in, "Hey...while we're out getting the holiday ham, we can swing by and pick up some crotchless panties.  Two birds, one stone!" In fact, I think the last thing I would be considering when getting Easter Dinner would be stopping for an item to get my freak on after the relatives leave.

All in all, a very disturbing trip to the mailbox with lots of unanswered questions.  Except for one...I did find out how they got my name for the mailing list when my voter registration cards arrived in the mail--one with my correct name and one with the same incorrect spelling as the porn store.  Apparently they could only send to individuals above age 18, and the way they screened it was by using voter registrations.  So that was a relief.  But I still can't wrap my mind around the link between porn and HoneyBaked Ham.

Calling all cooks....and post-ops too...

First of all, welcome to those of you who are new and joined me--thanks very much!

Now for the main event:  I need suggestions on how to handle Thanksgiving.  It is my first big "foodie" holiday since surgery, and I'm worried.  Here is how Thanksgiving normally transpires at my house:

1.  My parents come for an extended stay, which puts three adults in a condo for one.  Not only are there more people in a smaller space, but the people in question all have somewhat big personalities (I actually think I may top the list on this).  So while I love it when they come visit, it can also be overwhelming.
2.  We wake up and turn on the Thanksgiving parade and my mom and I cook.  My mom's job is to hold the turkey while I fill it with stuffing, and to amuse me by making the turkey dance while she's doing it.
3.  We eat the food.  What is it?  For me it's always a little bit of turkey on the side of a large plate of carbs--stuffing, mashed potatoes, and rolls.  We try to have salad and veggies to make it a slightly rounder meal, but I usually push those to the side.
4.  My mother cleans up.  Our deal is that I cook (with the exception of preparing the naked turkey for the oven), and she cleans up.  That, and she's somewhat compulsive about cleaning so even if we didn't have the agreement I would just leave it until it drove her so crazy that she cleaned it up anyway.  So the trade-off is actually a much better deal.  During clean up, there is usually a great deal of "stuffing-stealing" on my part, which consists of me deciding that there is no way for all the stuffing to fit into the tupperware and I should therefore eat it while standing in the kitchen.  And maybe another roll.  With butter.
5.  Then there is much laying around in a tryptophan-induced semi-comatose state while my father attempts to watch football with his eyes closed and my mother and I attempt to change the channel to something girly without waking him.
6.  We eventually make it over to a friend's house for a dessert buffet and to practice having more appropriate social skills than sneaking stuffing and slumping on the couch.
7.  We go home, we have a late-night snack (ie. a second Thanksgiving dinner), and we go to bed.

These are things that I cannot do this year.  I can't make it all about the food.  I can't eat the same type of food, nor can I eat it in the same quantity.  And I'm realizing that I'm going to have to re-design Thanksgiving.  Here's where I need your help.

How do I celebrate the holiday without making food the centerpiece?  How do I get some physical activity space for that day?  What food can I have that feels festive and holiday-like for all of us, but doesn't make me hate myself the next day?  How can I change our holiday without making my parents feel punished?

I don't know.  I've thought about going out to dinner (not a great option for us), ordering a "Turkey Dinner for 2" from Whole Foods, having yummy and festive nibbly things (since I have to eat small amounts several times a day) and avoid the one major holiday meal altogether, or invite ourselves to a friend's house.  I'm just not sure.

What are you guys all doing for Thanksgiving?  What do you do to stay on plan for the day (or do you just give yourself a free pass for the day)?  How do you make it feel like a holiday when you have to change everything?

Any and all suggestions are welcome--please leave them in the comments.

Head and body--reaching a detente?

One of the things I hear over and over is that weight loss surgery is on your body--not your head, and if you don't take care of the issues that made you overweight in the first place you will not be successful in the long term.  So I'm really trying to examine what it is that drove me to overeat.

The answer very frequently comes down to avoiding negative feelings. 

I was diagnosed as Bipolar type 2 in 2001 (yes, it's different than regular Bipolar or Manic Depression as it is mostly on the depressive side, with an occasional side of hyper and, for me, anxiety).  I consider myself lucky, as it is pretty mild--to the point that only my very closest friends knew that I had issues.  I was REALLY good at hiding it at work and to casual friends.  I developed a whole set of coping skills that consisted of me hiding whatever emotional state I was in.

Turns out, that's not a great idea.  1.  It means you are a lot harder to diagnose, and less likely to get the problem addressed.  2.  It means that your state of life requires hiding who you really are, and how you really feel, which becomes a huge hit to your self-esteem.  3.  It means that you have to find a way to cope with the dichotomy.  For me, it was food.  I regulated my emotions with lots of carbs (found out later that carbs boost serotonin as well as your fat cells), with sugar, and with fat.  All of those things, in mass quantities (which I also hid from the world, for a long time anyway), are really effective in blocking out your feelings.  Temporarily.  But they tend to rear their ugly heads eventually--in the form of 350 pounds.

I knew that after surgery I would have a lot of emotional work to do, and that I would have a hard time letting go of the food.  There have been times that I had a whole meal of just bread.  There have been times that I overate to the point that I thought I would die from the pain.  To me, these are the limits that I knew I would have to test, and that I need to learn from--quickly. 

And for the most part, I have.  I get a "cheat meal" each week, and then I go back to high protein, low carb and lower fat foods the rest of the time.   That means that when I get into emotional trouble now, I don't have my default coping mechanism of stuffing my feelings down by stuffing down food.  Angry, sad, lonely happens to everyone, but it feels to me like I get them stronger.  Not only because I have a tendency to intense feelings, but because when you don't express them they build up and get out of control.

The funny thing is that I've figured out that the best way to express and work out these negative feelings is body-based.  I always thought that the depression, bad feelings, and loneliness were thoughts and feelings in my head and the only way to get them out was to use my head (agonizing about everything) or my belly (filling it up until I was numbed by the serotonin).  I try to do pilates, meditation, and body movement to get rid of and deal with stress better.  I make myself "play dates" to keep from being too lonely.  I take deep breaths whenever I can.  I take a bubble bath, or clean out my closet of clothes that don't fit. 

All of them lean to the physical realm.  And I'm finding that  a lot of these things can help regulate those uncomfortable feelings.  I'll admit that it's not as easy and fast as pizza, and that there are times I forget, and that it's really hard.  I'm hoping to eventually come to a truce between my head, my heart and my body.  Right now, they are all in talks (see how political I am?).  There are occasional outbursts, but it doesn't seem to be a full-out war anymore--it's more of a Switzerland-type state of neutrality.

Honestly I don't think that I will ever win the war, but if a detente is enough to bring the Cold War up to a comfortable room-temperature, I'll take it.



So it seems like there

I've lost that lovin' feeling...in a good way!

So today, I went back to the diner.  I actually just wanted dinner at home, with the cat staring at me and Jeopardy! on, but I was with a friend and we were out and about.

So I got a plate that consisted of 4 pieces of bacon, 2 eggs, and 3 pancakes.  It was the smallest special they had (I had forgotten my "please give this surgical patient a child's meal" card).  I ate one piece of bacon, probably 1/8 of the eggs, and 3 bites of the pancake (with butter and sugar-free syrup).

Here's the thing.  I love any kind of bread product.  From any nation, with any grain in it.  White, wheat, or filled with buckwheat groats (that's a real thing!), I will eat it.  So you know the pancakes were calling my name.

Only...I didn't really answer them.  Why?
1.  Cold pancakes are not luscious and delicious. 
b.  White pancakes have very little of the delicious wheat flavor (which I hadn't realized before). 
3.  They were just...fluff.  They didn't satisfy or taste yummy, and I felt overly full afterward.

So perhaps I AM losing that lovin' feeling for carbs.  I had really hoped that would happen, but I didn't think it would.  It is my biggest downfall, taste-wise, and my biggest health concern (I have MAJOR belly fat and high triglycerides, which has been linked to overeating simple carbs).  So to no longer crave them would be a huge benefit for me.  And I'm starting to see that possibility...yea!

Apparently french fries are not included in this new aversion, however, because I was able to eat 2 of them from a friend's McDonald's bag last weekend and I felt just fine.  In fact, they were delicious and very satisfying.  Damn.  Maybe I will start loving squash in return for it.  That would be good.