So we talked about my personal boundaries and lack of impulse control (remember the marshmellow experiment?). We talked about boundaries with men. Let's just finish this damn trilogy and talk about boundaries with food.
I am a compulsive eater. There are foods that call to me, that whisper sweet nothings into my ears, that like to remind me how out-of-control of my eating I really am.
What's hard about weight loss surgery is that while my stomach has changed from COSTCO-sized to fun-size literally overnight. Yet all of that out-of-controlness and compulsion is still there. It doesn't get cut out with the surgery. So what do you do when the object of your compulsions makes you ill? When you have no way to channel those impulses?
Hell if I know. But I'm trying to learn.
Sometimes it is easier for me to say "I can't eat that", than it is to say, "I can have just a taste." A taste is sometimes just a taste, and sometimes it turns into an eat-a-thon. And I'm finding that I don't experience "dumping," which is a big part of was usually makes the surgery successful, because it makes you sick if you eat too much sugar, fat, or carbs--like pass-out, vomit, and severe poop issues kind of sick. I was actually hoping I would be a "dumper." Those people are much more successful in the long term because you learn to respect your body's limits real quick. Only I don't have those limits. And it's only a matter of time before I can eat from 1/2 cup to 1 cup of food at a time. It can be a slippery slope.
So I'm going to have to learn how to instill my own food boundaries, without having to rely on the surgery. If I could do that without the surgery, I wouldn't have had it in the first place. Duh. But the other option is to gain it all back, and I don't think I can face that. Instead, I'm finding that I have to draw my own line in the sand when it comes to food--limited carbs, high protein, high nutrient density. And if I can manage to do that 90% of the time, I think I can be successfull (and yet forgive myself for the occasional slip).
Next post--more info on the Shar-pei that lives under my clothes (see Tina, I did read your last comment!) :-)