Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Maiden Voyage

Anyone who knows me knows I have a lot to say...about everything. My blessing and curse is that I have an innate sense of diplomacy and tact, preventing some of the more interesting strangeness in my head from making it out into the real world. After all, I might hurt someone's feelings. We can't have that. I was raised right, my friends.

So what do I do instead? Why, publish my inner thoughts where anyone in the world can see them, of course! Yeah, it doesn't make much sense to me either.

But I've recently found that I'm on the edge of something that needs to be acknowledged, pondered, challenged, and written down. It's a shifting of some kind. I don't know what or why, but I know that the status quo is no longer content with me crashing on its couch. As much as I like the comfy cocoon of my daily routine (you know--get up, go to work, go home, eat dinner, surf net, watch TV, go to bed, repeat) I feel something else might be in order. That maybe there is the possibility of more. More of what, I don't know for sure. Maybe that there should be more of the word "live" in how I'm living.

Have you ever looked back on your life and see the crossroads? The times of your life where you consciously chose to make a turn and start in a new direction? Well, when it comes to my personal life and inner growth I've toed the straight line for at least a decade. No serious relationships, no marriage, no kids, and a shrinking social circle as those around me turn off on their own path. And as time went on it became easier and more natural to shut down, to avoid, to withdraw. You don't get your heart broken if you don't give it away. You don't fail if you never try. I didn't notice that with each passing year I was not only letting the doors of possibility close--I was shutting them myself.

And then I started journaling as a result of a class at work. I always resisted journaling: 1) Because I hated the idea of putting my craziness on paper and making it permanent, 2) Because I would re-read things I'd written and hate on it, and 3) Because if I died in a freak accident other people would read it and criticize me post-mortem. Ugh. But since it felt a little like a work assignment I bravely put pen to paper and found, to my surprise, that I started to notice my life again.

Which brings us to this blog. Because not only does a blog put you through the eye-opening creative process, but it also forces you outside yourself. A two-for-one mechanism of change. Change that I think I need.

So here I am, scribbling my thoughts into life's margin. I don't intend that every entry will be deep, thought-provoking stuff. Sometimes it might be an observation highlighting the funny strangeness that is part of life. Sometimes I just want to bitch about paying the bills, or share a recipe, or give a shout-out to my peeps. Whatever. It's the process of writing and sharing that I'm hoping will crack the door and let in the light.

So, lets metaphorically break the champagne bottle on this baby, and send Scribbling in the Margin onto its maiden voyage.

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