Shhh...it's a secret!

So last weekend I went to a seminar held by a certified Bariatric Life Coach (I'm going to ask her permission to put her info on the blog this week).  I asked my parents for a two-year surgiversary gift of the cost of the weekend, and I found out that I could bring a friend for free, so I took along my friend HFP (visit her blog by clicking here).  Awesome choice, because she is so much fun and I knew she would really be into it.

One of the things we did was to set goals.  I am not a goal setter.  I hate them, I find them confining, and I am not a fan of any kind of real structure.  Which basically means I probably need to have them more than the average person.  But the thinking is that if you don't REALLY know what you want, how are you ever going to get it?  I've always been afraid of thinking or saying what I want because I have a pathological fear of not getting it.  I know what I'm supposed to want, and I know what I should want, but what do I really want? 

I realized through the course of the day that there are about 4 categories of things I want (I'll get to them all eventually).  The one that is the hardest to say out loud is that I want to let someone in to my life, to fall in love, to get married, to build a family.  I hate saying that, because I never want to be one of "those" girls who needs someone to be complete.  You know, the girls whose eyes glaze over at the thought of an engagement ring, the girls who don't know how to be alone, the girls who love valentine's day and who have cute names like "Shmoopey" for the person they date.  I like to call them The Children of the Corny.

My God, I think I might be one of them.

I also am realizing it's not just a life partner I'm looking for.  I want a big circle of friends again (many of my besties have moved away).  I want parties where people actually come over and I can Entertain with a capital E.  I want people I can call up to go do things with.  I want to actually live life--travel, try new things, etc.--and I don't want to always do it alone.

Here's the problem.  I've self-isolated for so long that I'm having a hard time stopping.  I watched my friend HFP making friends with everyone at the event.  She knew all of their names, she connected with them as people, and she related to them.  And I felt stuck inside myself the whole time.  I didn't reach out; I didn't make friends; I didn't connect.

What happened?  I used to be the person who made instant friends wherever I went.  Heck, the only time in my life I ever got sent to the Principle's office was in either kindergarten or 1st grade, and it was for trying to kiss boys on the playground and make them my boyfriend.  So I know it's in there somewhere.  But I have a lot to chip away at before I can let myself be vulnerable enough to let someone in.

I guess I now know one thing I want.  I just don't know how to get there.

Gastric bypass dating

So, here's something that I simply am not creative enough to make up.

I joined eHarmony.  I know.  But I need to find a way to get out and meet people, and I just don't get to meet men as an HR professional in a female-dominated industry.  I mean, who wants to date the person that may have to lay you off (and not in the way you are thinking, dirty-bird!).  I actually had a co-worker who had to lay off her boyfriend.  It just doesn't inspire romance to explain someone's severance package with the one you love.

Anyhoo, I met this one guy and we decided to meet in person at Starbucks.  He was nice, and we were telling each other our stories.  His was about his ex-wife of 6 months (separated for 2 years), and why she was crazy.  He said they had gotten distant, and she told him she had been abused and couldn't stand to be touched by men anymore (do you see the train coming?), then she was sleeping on the couch, and (here's the whistle blowing) she finally moved out and became a lesbian.

"You know what I think happened, though?" he asked me (now the light on the train is practically blinding you).  

"No, what?" I stupidly replied.

(And here's the Amtrak express, knocking you into kingdom come)

"She had one of those gastric bypass thingies--I don't know if you know anything about them--and I think it made her go crazy and turn into a lesbian."

Long pause.  Throat clearing.

"Uh, actually, I do know a lot about gastric bypasses.  I had one myself almost 2 years ago.  I haven't become a lesbian, though."  (luckily I stopped myself before I added the qualifier "yet" to that sentence--times like this, my sense of humor is not always a good thing)



I wonder why I haven't heard back from him?  Hmmm...

I actually laughed the entire way home.  The first date, out of the gate, post surgery, and my date has a post-surgical lesbian ex-wife.

Like I said, I wish I could make this stuff up...