Pretty

To continue with my Internet theme, I'm embedding a "poetry slam" I found through fellow gastric bypasser Melting Mama.   Please go check out her website if you are thinking about/have had weight loss surgery--she is feisty, inspirational, and tells it like it is.


All my life I wanted to be pretty.  Not smart, not creative, not athletic.  Pretty.  And I watched this video of poet Katie Makkai and I saw myself.  I'm still reeling.





Pretty powerful.

My fantabulous weekend, part one

For all intensive purposes, my weekend started when I left work on Thursday.  I had Friday off, I had best buds coming into town, and I was ready to roll!

So after work I went to a makeup swap in the area that was publicized on one of my favorite makeup blogs, Hooked on Beauty.  Even better, I had just cleaned out every nook and cranny of excessive moisturizers (you would think I'm the most moist person on the planet!), makeup that was the wrong color, haircare I got bored of or didn't work with a new hair length, etc.  It goes like this:  pay for a ticket ($10 for those bringing swap items), take in all your lightly used stuff you no longer want, and get new stuff you want to try.  (Don't worry, everything gets cleaned and sanitized and it's not gross). The best part is that everything you don't want cluttering your bathroom goes to a loving home, and anything that isn't picked up is donated or recycled.  See, I get to be greedy with new stuff AND I'm saving the planet in the process.  God only knows that I would have taken up all the room in the local landfill just in bottles of soap, lotion, and shampoo!

You have no idea.  It was like the mother ship calling me home.  I got to meet Carissa, who is a well-known local makeup artist and a true sweetie.  I had 2 sips of free champagne, and got to try Pop Chips (not baked or fried, but popped potato chips in a Bariatric-sized bag--yum!).  I chatted with several lovely, amazing, and very fashionable ladies.  AND I got the world best brow wax, trim, and tips ever from a professional brow artist--for free!

Then, there was the swapping.  It was like Sephora in there, but everything was free.  We all felt a little guilty for taking anything--I kept hearing comments of how it felt like stealing!  But it was so much fun to see someone with darker skin tone get that bronzer that was too dark for me, and the shaping hair paste from when I had shorter hair, and the body lotion that just was too rich. 


I know, getting this excited about a makeup swap is a little silly.  It just reminds me of how much life, fun stuff, and new people I had been missing out on.  I would never have gone when my weight was at it's highest.  I would have felt intimidated by all the beautiful people, and would have just turned around and left.  As it was, I only left when I absolutely had to in order to pick up my incoming friend at the airport.  And what a great metaphor for cleaning out my life and losing weight.

And even though I had to leave early to pick up my friend, they allowed me to enter the drawing.  And, I know you all are surprised, Carissa sent me a message that I won something.  I don't know what yet, but it's clear that the lucky streak continues.  As such, the price for rubbing my belly for luck has gone up dramatically.  I may even get it insured by Lloyd's of London, just in case.

Jeggings....really? Do they know it isn't a real word?

Now I am a big fan of making up new words.  My most recent favorite is from Mia Michaels on "So You Think You Can Dance", which is "gorgious"  (pronounced gor-jwa', for those of you not obsessed with the show).  But seriously, "jeggings"?  If you need proof that there is evil in the world, the invention of both the word and the item should do it for you.

Why the tirade against jeggings?  Because I have actually started looking at clothes again.  Allow me to explain.

At a size thirty-something (I'm not even sure of the size, since most of the time I just wore stuff until it stretched to fit) you tend to ignore fashion, which is truly against my nature.  I love clothes and am a beauty junkie.  When I was young, I would have killed for a pair of Guess? jeans (which would have never fit, even if we could afford them).  In college, I went wore a lot of LL Bean (hey--it was the mid-nineties and it was all about the flannel).  When I started my first job, I wore long skirts with tights and chunky shoes (late nineties, so again it was quite fashionable).  But after my first job, I sort of gave up.  Nothing fit, nothing looked cute, and shopping just sucked.  The only thing I got excited about was shoes and bags--because they always fit (this is probably also the reason I love makeup so much).  Then I broke my ankle, and adorable shoes were out too.  All I had left were a couple of great bags and a LOT of makeup.  And it made me sad and angry that all the cute stuff was not meant for me.

But now, I'm starting to see the fashionable light at the end of the weight loss tunnel (that was a stretch of a metaphor, wasn't it?)  I don't have to shop for clothes on-line at Fatima's House of Tents anymore! Instead, I'm finding that I can shop in Layne Bryant again, and they do have some cute things.  I've bought a couple of pieces I couldn't wait on (a bra, a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt), but I'm putting off buying anything else until I can get into an 18/20.  Why?  Because when I reach that size (and I'm right on the verge), I will have nothing left that fits.  My adult wardrobe, as large as the range of sizes was, stopped at 22/24.  So I'm really looking forward to getting to actually shop soon (knock on wood, by Thanksgiving), and so I have started looking in store windows and fashion magazines.

Hence, my discovery of the evil items known as jeggings (nope...still not a word).  Here's hoping that by the time I can fit into them they will be out of style and I can move onto something that is actually flattering.

It puts the lotion on its skin...

Creepy (but so funny out of context).

I just wanted to answer Miss Tina M, who asked about lotions.  If you go to Sephora, or Nordstrom, or Ulta, or any other place that sells lotions and potions (and I do love them so...but that is for another day), they will tell you that lotions will help with sagging skin.  They say it increases circulation and diminishes cellulite, and that it does just about everything for you except wash your dishes and give you an orgasm (well, unless you are using the lotion in a VERY different way).  They will sing promises and dance dances of mighty lotions that will turn you into a slender, gazelle-like creature with big boobs, big eyes, a round bum, and a flat tummy. 

*They LIE.*  That's right, like sleeping dogs, like a braided rug, like Tiger Woods in front of a microphone.  You can pretty much bet that if it's on the back of the tube, or in a glossy ad featuring an already-thin woman, that it is not entirely true.

What you can do is maximize what you have.  Stay out of the sun, drink lots of water, eliminate caffeine (in beverages only, however, because studies have shown that lotion with caffeine has a slight, and temporary, tightening effect).  Get a faux tan, because it will make stretch marks and wrinkly skin less apparent.  Work out regularly and build your muscles to help fill out the skin a bit.  Exfoliate to increase your circulation, and indulge on a massage occasionally for the same reason.  Hydrated skin is healthy skin, so use moisturizer liberally.

But stay realistic.  While all of these things will help slightly, they won't fix the shriveled balloon appearance of someone whose lost the equivalent of an Olson twin.  Your skin has only so much elasticity, and can only recover so much.  If I had stopped losing at 90 lbs, I would have no problems at all.  It was at about 115 lbs that I really started noticing it.  And I have REALLY good skin.  I've seen some people lose half of what I have that are as withered as a raisin.  What you end up with is a product of genetics, how much weight you had to lose, how quickly you lose it, and how badly stretched your skin was to start with.

I suggest getting yourself a drug-store brand (Nivea, Aveeno and Neutrogena are consistently rated highly) that won't break the bank, and slather it on.  It won't hurt you, and if you are losing less than 100 lbs it may be enough.  Otherwise, save your pennies for a good, experienced plastic surgeon and vow to donate the skin that's removed to burn victims (yeah, you really can do that!).  And maybe by the time I lose all my extra weight they'll use my extra skin to create a new Olsen twin triplet. 

The skin I'm in

Whenever I tell someone new that I had a roux-en-y gastric bypass, there are generally a few questions.
1. How much have you lost? (A natural question)
2. Did your insurance cover it? (I get this one at work a lot, either because they want to know if it's covered for themselves or because they want to know if their premiums are high because I'm spending the money on me).
3. What happens with, you know, your skin? By the title of this post you should have guessed that I want to talk about this one.

People are fascinated by weight-related skin issues. Like, "where does it go?" Or, "will you get surgery to remove it?" Etc.

Here's my take on it. I'm HOPING that I actually lose enough weight to worry about this. My weight loss has already slowed down to a couple of pounds a week, which sounds like whining unless you remember that I lost the first 60 pounds in 6 weeks. So getting small enough that my skin can't catch up would be awesome and incredible. Especially because I have good skin genes in some ways--thick, heals quickly, few signs of aging. Of course that also comes with the major cystic acne and the tendency towards skin cancer, but hey--I look like I'm still in my 20's.

So, being the proactive and beauty product-obsessed gal that I am, I read up on what I can do to potentially minimize a need for surgery. The best suggestions I got was to use a scar reducer (like Mederma) on my incision sites, and to baste myself with body oil designed for pregnancy. Being the product-whore that I am, I ran out and bought a pregnancy oil created by Weleda, and one from Belli.

Some background info: I had really let myself go when I topped out at 350+ lbs. I had shapeless hair, I stopped getting highlights, I stopped shaving my legs, and I didn't exfoliate and moisturize the way I should. In short, I had given up. Well, and the fact that applying lotion all over a quadruple-X-sized body is a real workout. Literally.

Now, I'm slowly getting back into the habit of taking care of myself physically. First, following the Rules of Pouchie. Second, taking all my required vitamins daily. And now, marinating myself in baby-to-be oil. It's just one more step in subconsciously reminding myself that I am worth a little more time and energy.

Since I just started doing this, I have nothing real to report yet (other than my skin feels and smells great). As time marches on, we'll see how it goes. But even if it doesn't help with the loose skin, I think the simple act of conscious self-care will help me with everything else.

Next step in taking care of myself, exercise. More on that later...